The events of 5 years ago (tomorrow) were the seeds of why this web site was created. The thoughts and feelings in this article about preserving the stories of those who died on 9/11 are exactly what I felt.

The mother of one woman who lost her life said about preserving her memories of her daughter:

“It was a long process and very emotional but well worth the journey.”

Isn’t that the truth about all of us who lose a loved one? The process of remembering them, for both ourselves and those who will want to know them in the future, is difficult. It’s a roller coaster ride, just like our grief. Remembering will be bitter on some days, but sweet on others. But in the end, we’ll be glad we did it.

Crikey. Just hearing that word will put his picture in your head. Steve Irwin passed away yesterday after being stung by a usually harmless sting ray while filming footage for his daughter’s TV show. He died doing what he loved - he is an inspiration to us all. He infected us all with wonder with his over-the-top enthusiasm about everything he did, and this is a great loss.

The Crocodile Hunter Message Board is full of thoughts and messages people have been leaving for him. Feel free to add yours.

(edit - sorry, the link was wrong before, it’s fixed!)

Black is no longer necessary funeral attire, according to readers of Dear Abby.  What you wear to a loved ones funeral can be as fitting a tribute as what you do there.

Linda Blachman, creator of the Mothers Living Stories Project, was interviewed by Literary Mama about her book Another Morning: Voices of Truth and Hope from Mothers with Cancer.

This book confronts the heartache of mothering while living with the thoughts that you may not be there to see your children grow up. I have not had the opportunity to read it yet, but having watching Linda’s project from afar for the last few years, I know that this will be a very important book for anyone who is a mother living with cancer - or anyone who knows one. You only need to read the ten 5-star reviews on Amazon.com to understand what this book means to all who read it.

What Linda says is very important for all of us: “One of my goals with Another Morning, as well as in my private practice, is to get people — especially parents — to think about their lives, to ask the hard questions that most of us don’t ask until we’re in crisis or have suffered terrible loss. What are we doing with our time here? Are we living the values we say are important to us? What are our children learning, not only from what we say, but from what we do?”

Another review of the book can be found here: http://www.storycircle.org/BookReviews/reviews/morning.shtml

Rebecca S., if you are reading this and you submitted a LaDonna’s family to receive the free iMemoryBook, please contact me again, it looks like your email address has changed.

This summer has been a difficult one - it’s been hard finding the time to work on this site. And the near future isn’t looking too great either. However, I really, really don’t want this site to languish and stop being a valuable resource to families. I have so many ideas, but just so little time to put them together.

One thing that’s been on my mind a lot lately is thinking about who these memories will benefit the very most. And the conclusion I’ve come to is that children grieving the loss of a mom or dad are the ones who need this support, who need your memories of their mom or dad, the very most. And it is them that I dedicate this site to going forward.

So, to keep from having to let this site go, I’m realizing that I can’t do it alone, and so I’m looking for volunteers who would like to be involved. If any of you are interested in helping to spread the word about the importance and value of remembering our loved ones who are gone (especially in regards to children losing a mom or dad), please contact me at janell@ the domain name of this site. I’d love to talk with you about the possibilities.

Specifically, I’m looking for others who would like to be involved by:

• Blogging about remembering ideas for families
• Writing/reviewing info for the monthly newsletter
• Helping set up a community section of the site with forums and additional areas for interaction
• Help answering and selecting families to receive the free iMemoryBook

You don’t have to know about any of these things specifically, it can all be learned, but an aptitude for learning about technical things is very helpful.

(FYI - I make no money off this site. I’ve put more money into it than I hope to get back within the next couple years, and even then the $ will be going right back into the fund for the iMemoryBooks for the children. This is definitely a labor of love…)

Chronicling life worth heartache of seeing death

“But what I’ve learned over the years is that families do want to talk. They want everyone to know about their loved one, and it helps them with their grieving process to be able to memorialize them in their quotes.”

It is very difficult to be on the outside, watching others grieve a loss. But as this journalist explains, being able to help families talk, to help them learn something more about their loved one that they didn’t know before, that’s what makes it worth it. That’s why it’s so important for you, as someone trying to comfort a grieving friend, not to tell them it’s ok, they’ll get over it, but to tell them everything you know, everything your remember about this person you both knew and loved. Your words will be like a lifeline to them.

It’s my funeral and I’ll serve ice cream if I want to - this article talks about pre-planning, but the ideas are the same whether you’re planning your own funeral for the future, or another’s funeral for right now.

Although nontraditional funerals - unique ceremonies created for unique individuals - are heard about more and more on the news, they are still in the minority of what people are doing. And that’s ok. It’s important to plan a funeral around what you - as an individual mourning a loss - are comfortable with. But if you feel comfortable thinking and acting outside the box, you can create a funeral for a loved one that will be personal and meaningful for you and help you shed bittersweet tears and laugh with gratitude for the opportunity you had to know such a unique individual.

You can use the week prior to a funeral service, while family and friends are gathered together, to share memories and thoughts and to allow other family members to do the same. Write down as many of these memories as you can for the younger generation, so that as they grow up and are curious about those who have gone before them, they will be able to get to know them better. Allow children to share their own memories and feel that it’s ok to think and talk about their loved one when they are sad. Involve them in plans for the funeral, or allow them to draw pictures or write stories about their memories that can be shared with others. (though this idea really deserves its own blog post)
There is much talk about “life celebration” - but even though the thought of celebrating at this time seems completely foreign, giving yourself the opportunity to remember and feel gratitude for these memories will help open your heart to healing influences. They won’t heal your heart, but they will open it and allow healing to come, in its own time.

Read more funeral planning ideas here.

Just as grief itself can put you on a roller coaster of thoughts and emotions, so can remembering.  At times, you want to remember everything.  Other times, all you want to do is forget.  I’ve been avoiding working on this web site for the last few weeks, for a number of reasons.  Not that I want to forget, but I think I overloaded on remembering.  Having Father’s Day and the 1 year anniversary of my dad’s death all in the same week meant a lot of remembering, trying to think of all the good memories to get through those days, and it wore me out.  I think I just have needed to step back from everything for a little while.  Hopefully it won’t be too much longer before I can get back into the swing of things.

More about Father’s day and how loss shapes our lives - from Peachy and Sharon.

And an interesting quote from Keanu Reeves, who is certainly someone who has had his share of grief:

“All you can do is hope that grief will be transformed and, instead of feeling pain and confusion, you will be together again in memory, that there will be solace and pleasure there, not just loss.”