Father's Day - when he's gone, he's not forgotten

In just a few weeks, most families will circle the backyard barbecue pit or their favorite fishing hole to honor dad. But for others, Father's Day is a painful reminder that dad is no longer around.

Losing a father is devastating, and the yearly holiday we celebrate to honor our fathers only gives us one more day to realize how much we miss him. To combat the pain of loss, consider making it a special day to pay tribute to his memory by sharing your memories of him with others, and inviting your loved ones to do the same.

Discover the Power of Story

Actively recalling your memories of him on this day, though it may be difficult, can be very healing. It can help you reaffirm your relationship with him – a relationship that will always exist in your heart. Developing meaningful activities that you can repeat every Father’s day will help you to keep your memories alive and make the day a little less difficult to face each year.

There are many things you can do – alone or with others who knew him – to remember your father on this day:

• Recall your earliest memories of him, and ask others to share their early memories with you - how they met him, funny stories they remember, etc.
• Make his favorite meal (or go to his favorite restaurant) and talk about some of his favorite things - favorite activities, sports, games, etc.
• Write a letter to him about what has been going on in your life for the last year.
• Go through a family photo album and talk about what was going on when the pictures were taken.
• Create a memory box where you can store a few items that help you recall special memories of him.
• Try to record any of these conversations so that you can return to them when you feel the need.

For Grieving Children

The ideas above can also be adapted to involve young children who have lost their fathers. There are more that can be geared specifically towards the youth, such as:

• Have a "Show and Tell" where each child finds one thing that reminds them of their father and tells about their memories associated with that item.
• Create home-made angels with the children that represent the childrens' father. Write his name, birth, and death dates on them, and give them away to friends and family. (From the book: A Forever Angel, by Elaine E. Stillwell)
• Have them write a note or poem to their father or draw a picture for him. Tie it to a helium filled balloon and then take it outside and let it go.
• Tell them the story of how you met their father and some of the turning points in his life - funny stories from growing up, going to college, first job, etc.

Father’s Day may always be a difficult reminder of your loss, but if you find time in your day to remember and be grateful for the opportunity you had to know him, you will find that gratitude will bring solace to your aching heart.

Additional Resources:

Beyond Indigo - resources for grieving children
Megan Bear - a foundation to help fatherless children
I Miss My Dad - a place to write a letter to your Dad
Community of Daughters - for women and girls who have lost a parent
Fatherless Daughters Meetup - a place to join with other women who have lost a father
Support Groups for Adults
Support Groups for Children

Books on Father Loss:

Longing for Dad: Father Loss and Its Impact, by Beth M. Erickson
Daughters Without Dads, by Lois Mowday Rabey
Whatever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl: The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women, by Jonetta Rose Barras
Fatherless Women: How We Change After We Lose Our Dads, by Clea Simon
Fatherloss: How Sons of All Ages Come to Terms with the Deaths of Their Dads, by Neil Chethik

If you have any questions, or are looking for advice for your particular situation, feel free to e-mail me.

"He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man."

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry