Asking for Stories
from others

Summarizing the idea: Get in touch with those who knew your loved one. Ask them to write and send you letters talking about their memories of her, and to include pictures wherever possible. Collect and display these letters in scrapbook-type albums or in sheet-protectors in 3-ring binders, or any other way that will allow them to be viewed without being handled too much. Ask for permission to make copies to give to others in her immediate family.

Preparation

Contact those she was involved with in the neighborhood, at church, at work, or other organizations she was a member of. Look through her address book or e-mail contact list and get in touch with some (or even all) of them. They might also know of others you could contact for memories. If you don't know some of the people very well and would feel more comfortable asking for stories through a letter instead of over the phone, here is a sample request letter - feel free to use it and change it to suit your needs.

There are a few things to think about when asking for stories:

• Ask everyone to write the stories in their own handwriting (as opposed to typing) and to include pictures with the stories if they can. This will make it more personal for you. (Today it's easy to take a photograph to Walmart and get copies so that they don't have to give up their only copy of a picture.)
• Give them a few triggers that might help recall their memories; here are a few examples:
  • When and how did you first meet?
  • What about her made you laugh?
  • If you could only tell her children or grandchildren one thing about her, what would it be?
  • (For someone who loved to sing) Can you remember a song she sang that you loved to hear or a time when her singing touched you? Why?
  • (For someone who loved to cook) What was your favorite recipe that she made? Why? When would she make it for you?
• Decide what format you would like to present this in (see below), and ask people to send their stories on a paper size based on that. This may not be necessary if you will be using albums with 8.5" x 11" paper, but if you would like to organize these letters in an album that uses smaller size sheets, ask them to send you letters on that size paper. Also mention to them to only write on one side of the paper (again, see below).
• Ask if they mind your making copies of the letters to give to other close family members if you plan on doing so.
  

Gathering and Organizing the Stories

When you have collected the stories, determine how you would like to gather and organize them. You want to make it easy to go through the letters at any time, without risking damaging them. Handling paper often with our hands transfers grease and oil onto the papers, making them wear away more quickly.

One easy way to protect these letters is to put them in a scrapbook. There are many sizes available, ranging from pages 12" x 15" in size to 3-1/2" x 5" pockets for pictures or notes. Just because you may use a scrapbook to put the letters in doesn't mean you have to get fancy and decorate all the pages - the scrapbooks available are just some of the easiest (and best looking) things to use to insert letters and other flat objects. Plus, if you are using a reputable manufacturer, they will already be archival safe, so that's one less thing to worry about.

Since the collection and organization of these memories is such a personal endeavor, I don't want to make too many suggestions on what specific materials to use. However, if you're just looking for a starting point, I like the Pioneer Photo Albums because they have a simple, classy design, and they are easy to use. I use their 8-1/2" x 11" albums for this type of project because that is generally the largest size of paper people would send you. Each one includes a few top-loading sheet protectors (about 10, I think). The albums run generally about $10 apiece, so if you are looking to make multiple copies of the letters, 3-ring binders with regular protective sheets (most sheets are acid-free these days, but look to make sure) would work as well and would cost much less.

I put a heavy divider page inside each sheet protecter and then a page of a letter on either side (along with the pictures, wherever possible). The heavy divider pages make it easier to turn the pages, keeping the sheets sturdy so that there is less a chance of the letters getting folded while looking through the album. This is why I suggest that you write on just one side of the paper; if there was writing on the back, you'd have to take the letter out to read it all.
 

Another option - iMemoryBook

If you are more computer savvy, you might consider an iMemoryBook subscription to help you gather these stories, instead of doing everything on paper. The iMemoryBook system automates inviting friends and loved ones to contribute to the book, then can print out copies for you and your family.

It works like this -

• You begin the iMemoryBook and add a few stories and photographs of your own.
• Then, using the invitation system built into the program, you send invitations through email for others to add their own memories and
• As people are adding memories, your own will be sparked and you can continue adding stories and photographs.
• When everyone is done, they program organizes all the stories and photos into book format. You can then have us print it for you (you can order as many copies as you'd like), or you can take it to a printer and have it custom printed.

Before you know it, you'll have a beautiful memorial tribute book your entire family will treasure.

Learn more about the iMemoryBook Memorial Tribute book

Audio Recordings

If there are people you know who would never get around to writing you a letter about their memories, but would be willing to talk to you over the phone, you might consider recording your conversations as you are talking. There are a couple options you can use to record conversations over the phone:

• If you have a computer, a voice modem, and a microphone, you can call through your computer and purchase inexpensive recording software to record your calls - about $25-50. (Search for "phone recording software" in Google to find companies that sell this software.)
• If you would rather not use a computer to record the calls, you can purchase a recording unit to connect to your phone - they range in cost from about $50-200. If you already have a tape or digital recorder, you can just purchase the piece that connects it to the phone for $15-30. (Search for "phone recorder" in Google.)

Organizing audio cassettes or files for use by others is a bit more difficult than organizing the printed paper. Unless you know a lot about digitizing audio files or are willing to pay someone to organize them for you, your best bet would probably be to type up any conversations you record and add them in with the letters you receive. Paper is accessible to just about anyone anywhere. However, you can do wonderful things with these audio files if you have the know-how.

If you have any questions or concerns, or are even just looking for a little guidance or help in what to do, please e-mail me.

Remembering a Loved One

Collecting Stories from Others

Preserving Your Own Memories

Gathering Memorabilia and Treasures

Creating an Online Memorial

Paying Tribute during Special Occasions

Books about Remembering

Preservation/Care

Things to Keep in Mind

 
record the memories of a
male friend or relative
 

"Let the joy of your loved one's life begin to take the place of the hurt and anger of the death."

~ Darcie D. Sims, Grief Inc.

 
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from the videos are donated
to the Solace House