1. The first step is to determine who will be involved in the event and to decide where and when it will be held.
   Contact those among your loved one's circle of family and friends who were close to her and might bring different perspectives on her life to the event.
   • If there are those who would like to participate but live far away, you could hold the gathering in a place where you could use a speakerphone so that others could join in.
   • Invite the participants to bring their favorite photos that can be passed around during the meeting to help spark everyone's memories.
   
   
2. The ultimate purpose of this meeting is to gather and preserve memories, so you'll want to tape record the events and eventually transcribe the record.
   Make sure everyone knows this beforehand so that they aren't surprised by the recording equipment when they get there. You could record this on video if desired, but if you do, record it simultaneously on audiocassettes so that it can be transcribed easily. There are digital recorders on the market, but because of questions about how long the recordings will last, it's best to use regular cassette tapes. Here are a few tips to keep in mind in the planning stages:
   
   • A good quality recording is vital - this is something you'll want to preserve for years - so you'll want to choose your equipment carefully.
   • Good tape recorders can be rented for a small fee from many local Audio/Visual stores. Include an external microphone to adequately pick up the conversation throughout the room, and test it out before you rent it - make sure that it gives you a good, clear recording, even from 10-15 feet away.
   • Be sure to purchase 60-minute tapes instead of the longer 90-120 minute ones. The sound on longer tapes tends to stretch and bleed through to the other side over time. The tapes held together with screws in the corners are usually of higher quality than others.
   • Buy more tapes than you think you'll need. You'll be glad when your get-together runs an hour or two longer than you originally planned!
   • If you will be using a speakerphone, test it out with the recorder to make sure it won't cause any problems with the recording.
   • Bring enough pens and paper with you so that each person can have something to write on. The reasoning will be explained below.
   • Test out the recording equipment again just before you leave (or before everyone arrives if it's at your own home) to make sure everything is in working order.

1. Once everyone is together, there are a few things to pay attention to to make sure you have the best recording possible.
   
   • Set up the tape recorder and microphone in a central position, but try to make it discreet so that the participants will quickly forget that they are being recorded.
   • If you do not have a stand for your external mic, lay it on a soft surface such as a folded towel so that it doesn't pick up the vibrations from the surface it's resting on.
   • Pass out the pens and paper, and reiterate what you hope to get out of this gathering. Explain that you want to make sure that everyone gets a chance to tell about their memories, so if they think of something to talk about while someone else is talking, be sure to make a note of it so they don't forget. Even the little things are important - or rather, the little things are especially important.
   • Mention to everyone that there will likely be some disagreements about what people remember. It's important not to concentrate on who is right - our memories are shaped by who and what we are, and it's ok for two people to remember things a little differently.
   • Ask the participants to start out their comments with their names. This will allow the transcriptionist, who may not be familiar with those at the meeting, to identify who is speaking.
   • Begin the recording by stating your name, the date, and the purpose of the gathering, and have everyone go around and give their names as well. Then rewind the tape and listen to this intro. There are two purposes for this - first, to make sure the tape is picking up everyone's voices; second, to get everyone's names to help the transcription process go a little more smoothly after the fact.
     
2. Getting Started - What do we talk about?
   Once a few people have talked about their own memories, everyone else will want to join in. The more people talk, the more others will remember. Here are some things you can talk about to get it started and some sample questions you could ask to kick it off:
   
   • Tell the group how you met. Give details, and really tell the story behind the story. Think of your five senses (or even your 6th sense, if appropriate :) and how they relate to first impressions. If you are speaking about your mother, a variant on this would be to tell how you came into this world; for your grandmother, what was your relationship like with her as a child? Then go around the group and let the others answer the same question.
   • Where was she born? Where did she grow up? What was she like as a child?
   • Talk about some of the turning points in her life - being able to drive, dating, marriage, jobs, children, middle age, retirement, etc.
   • Talk about her favorites - favorite foods, dessert, color, car, things to do, etc. How much was she able to indulge in her favorite things?
   • What kinds of things was she passionate about? How did those things change over the years?
   • Tell about the times she really made you laugh.

   These are just some general ideas to get you started - look back on her life and you'll find plenty more to talk about. Here are a few other things to take note of during the discussions:

   • Don't be afraid of silences. If you feel there is more that people would like to say on a topic, but they just haven't gotten the courage to speak up yet, the silence will spur those to talk who might not otherwise.
   • Invite specific people - those who seem not to be saying much - to add to topics that you believe they would have memories of.

1. Once the meeting is over, before you do anything else, label the tapes and duplicate them to preserve the master copy.
   Transcription wears tapes out very quickly, so duplication will save the master tapes from wear and tear, and you won't be as nervous about giving a copy of your tapes over to someone else as you would be if they were the only copies. You can also look for services who will copy your tapes on CD to make the gathering easier to share with others.
   
2. If possible, take the tapes to a professional to have them transcribed.
   They have the equipment and expertise to help you get the most out of the recording. You can expect to pay $80-100 per hour of tape. If you can't afford that, rent a transcription machine with a foot pedal - these make transcribing a tape so much easier (again, you should be able to get one from an Audio/Visual place). Once you have the transcription, there are many things you can do with it.
   
   • You can leave it as is, as a conversation between family and friends, with perhaps some light editing to make the conversation flow a little more smoothly. This will show who said what and how one recollection triggered another, etc.
   • You can edit them a little more heavily so that all that remains are the stories. (If you edit and remove the names from the transcript, it would be a good idea to note at the end of any printed materials who took part in the gathering.)
   • You can go through pictures and include images that go along with the stories being told. Most word processing programs such as Word and WordPerfect allow you to insert images within the text.
   • If this all seems like too much work, ask a family member or friend to help, or hire a member of the Association of Personal Historians to put it together for you.
     
3. Once the transcription is edited and ready to be printed, you have a number of options in presenting it to those who will receive a copy.
   
   • If your looking for simplicity, you could print it out and present it in a scrapbook or 3-ring binder.
   • You could have it laid out by a designer and professionally printed and bound into a book.
   • Imagine what your loved one would do if she were given this project to do, and try to stay true to her memory.
   • Put it together in such a way that you could make copies for each immediate family member, and extras if more people would like a copy. If you are worried about the expense, you may find that many of these friends and family members would be willing to help contribute to the production costs.

If you have any ideas that aren't listed here, things that have worked for you in the past, feel free to e-mail me.